Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
where does the pee come out of this thing
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
