And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize