my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
