do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
This house was built for laser tag.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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