we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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