I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
