when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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