You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
