There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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