Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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