I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize