youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
