finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
