my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Im part way to drunk.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize