The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Hippo gnu deer
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i now understand why vodka
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
