Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
