Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
