It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize