you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
