my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
