it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
