Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
