dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
