East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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