if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Enjoy the penises
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
