11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
