We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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