And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
