Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
