i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
