Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
