it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
