He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
