I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
