Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
