i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
