you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
