I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
