i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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