Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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