I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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