Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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