he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
