well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
