I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Randomize
