I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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