Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
