Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
