I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
