It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
