He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize