a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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