You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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