he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
