I looked at my own cervix.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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