Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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