I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
