her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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