Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
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