youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
These tits shall not be calmed
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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