You're my little dorito
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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