he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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