Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize