I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
