Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
