what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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