I wish I could teleport
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
