So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
