Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize