Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Do vagina's smell?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
