Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
