hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
