All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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