we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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