some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
