I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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