Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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