my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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