I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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