Banned from zoo.
Again?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
