Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
