The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
