i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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