That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
