No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
no, he came in my armpit
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
