He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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