Are we in a gay sports bar?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
