Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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