can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
