meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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