the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
