reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
