i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
