I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
