Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
