so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
