Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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